Handling a difficult and stubborn partner – Husband, Wife, Girlfriend, or Boyfriend0
It is no surprise that most relationship with a stubborn and difficult partner, be it your wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend or your ex. Can be over exhilarating. Peace is not found and your are worried about what will happen next or what you may have done next. Progress is usually slow and ones life is plagued with many issues of unnecessary wants.
The best scenario is that of the preacher John Wesley, founder of the Methodist Movement. He wife has been described has one of the most difficult woman in the world history. The account could be that of a man or woman, and if you are about to start a relationship with such persons, consider you choice very well.
Read below this touching account and how he dealt with it.
A letter published in the New York Critic during the summer of 1885 will show what Mrs. Wesley was
“COLEFORD, October 23rd, 1759.
I will tell you simply and plainly the things which I dislike. If you remove them, well. If not, I am but where I was. I dislike your showing any one my letters and private papers without my leave. This never did any good yet, either to you or me, or any one. It only sharpens and embitters your own spirit. And the same effect it naturally has upon others.
The same it would have upon me but that (by the grace of God) I do not think of it. It can do no good. It can never bring me nearer, though it may drive me further off. And should you do as you often threaten me, then the matter is over. I know what I have to do. In all this you are fighting against yourself. You are frustrating your own purpose if you want me to love you. You take just the wrong way. No one ever was forced to love another. It cannot be: love can only be won by softness; foul means avail nothing. But you say, ‘I have tried fair means, and they did not succeed.’ If they do not, none will. Then you have only to say, ‘This evil is of the Lord; I am clay in His hand.’
“I dislike (2) not having the command of my own house, not being at liberty to invite even my nearest relations so much as to drink a dish of tea without disobliging you.
I dislike (3) the being myself a prisoner in my own house, the having my chamber door watched continually, so that no person can go in or out but such as have your good leave. I dislike (4) the being but a prisoner at large even when I go abroad, inasmuch as you are highly disgusted if I do not give you an account of every place I go to and every person with whom I converse.
I dislike (5) the not being safe in my own house. My house is not my castle.
I cannot call even my study, even my bureau, my own. They are liable to be plundered every day. You say, ‘I plunder you of nothing but papers.’ I am not sure of that. How is it possible I should I miss money too, and he that will steal a pin will steal a pound. But were it so, a scholar’s papers are his treasure, my journal in particular. ‘But I took only such papers as relate to Sarah Ryan and Sarah Crosby.’ That is not true. What are Mr. Landey’s letters to them Besides, you have taken parts of my journal which relate to neither one nor the other.
I dislike (6) your treatment of my servants (though, indeed, they are not properly mine). You do all that in you lies to make their lives a burden to them. You browbeat, harass, rate them like dogs, make them afraid to speak to me. You treat them with such haughtiness, sternness, sourness, surliness, ill-nature, as never were known in any house of mine for near a dozen years. You forget even good breeding, and use such coarse language as befits none but a fishwife.
“I dislike (7) your talking against me behind my back, and that every day and almost every hour of the day; making my faults (real or supposed) the standing topic of your conversation.
I dislike (8) your slandering me, laying to my charge things which you know are false. Such are (to go but a few days back) ‘that I beat you,’ which you told James Burges; that I rode to Kingswood with Sarah Ryan, which you told Sarah Rigby; and that I required you, when we were first married, never to sit in my presence without my leave, which you told Mrs. Lee, Mrs. Fry, and several others, and stood to it before my face.
I dislike (9) your common custom of saying things not true. To instance only in two or three particulars. You told Mr. Ireland ‘Mr. Vazzilla * learnt Spanish in a fort night.’ You told Mr. Fry ‘Mrs. Ellison was the author as to my intrigue in Georgia.’ You told Mrs. Ellison ‘you never said any such thing; you never charged her with it.’ You also told her, ‘that I had laid a plot to serve you as Susannah was served by the two elders.’
I dislike (10) your extreme, immeasurable bitterness to all who endeavour to defend my character (as my brother, Joseph Jones, Clayton Carthy), breaking out even into foul, unmannerly language, such as ought not to defile a gentlewoman’s lips, if she did not believe one word of the Bible.
“And now, Molly, what would any one advise you to that has a real concern for your happiness
Certainly (1) to show, read, touch those letters no more, if you did not restore them to their proper owner;
(2) to allow me the command of my own house, with free leave to invite thither whom I please;
(3) to allow me my liberty there, that any one who will may come to me, without let or hindrance;
(4) to let me go where I please, and to whom I please, without giving an account to any;
(5) to assure me, you will take no more of my papers, nor anything of mine, without my consent;
(6) to treat all the servants where you are (whether you like them or no) with courtesy and humanity, and to speak (if you speak at all) to them, as well as others, with good-nature and good manners;
(7) to speak no evil of me behind my back;
(8) never to accuse me falsely;
(9) to be extremely cautious of saying anything that is not strictly true, both as to the matter and manner; and
(10) to avoid all bitterness of expression till you can avoid all bitterness of spirit.
“These are the advices which I now give you in the fear of God, and in tender love to your soul. Nor can I give you a stronger proof that I am your affectionate
husband, JOHN WESLEY.”
Understanding the responses shows how he dealt with the issue with love and wisdom, though he did not effectually succeed, today the world seem to have vindicated and absolved him of any wrong. Handling a difficult or stubborn partner, be it wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend or ex can be very tasking.